path: root/cards.yaml

icfp2020:
  black:
    # ICFP2020 Cards
    - _ is just _ in the Category of _.
    - My next paper title? The next 700 _.
    - Procrastinating on my paper by working on _.
    - _ and _. A match made in heaven.
    - Without _ we wouldn't have _.
    - Reviewer 2 found my paper guilty of _.
    - _ is just a special case of _.
    - Listen, if you want to get involved with _, just stay clear of _.
    - _ would be woefully incomplete without _.
    - "_: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for _!"

    # Some cards taken from:
    # https://github.com/CardsAgainstCryptography/CAC/blob/master/src/white.txt
    # Slightly modified to take out most sexist / racist / ... stuff and comply
    # with the uplcg format.  Added more _s to a few because we can.
    - A PL conference is never complete without _.
    - Both Microsoft and Apple have concerns with _.
    - Did you hear that _ is the new hot topic?
    - Due to the Covid crisis, I have rekindled my enthusiasm for _.
    - I always include _ in my reviewer feedback.
    - I can't believe I got away with _.
    - I can't believe my grant application for _ was denied!
    - I can't concentrate without _.
    - I drink to forget _.
    - I find that _ relieves pre-submission stress.
    - I get by with a little help from _.
    - I got 99 problems but _ ain't one.
    - I hope no one finds out about _.
    - I just got out of an incomprehensible talk on _ and _.
    - I just hope the reviewers don't notice _.
    - I only got through my PhD because of a long-winded explanation of _.
    - I think I will skip the session on _ this year.
    - I was surprised to get no questions about _ the end of my presentation on _.
    - I woke up drenched in sweat from a nightmare about _.
    - I woke up filled with shame about _.
    - I'm hoping to avoid 2/3 of the program committee, because my paper is on _.
    - I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _.
    - My academic CV says I'm an expert on _.
    - My career started with _.
    - My favourite thing about online conferences is _.
    - One regret I have from my PhD is _.
    - Putting _ in my application helped me immensely.
    - Remembering _, then immediately vomiting.
    - Self-isolation is fantastic for _.
    - The next big thing will almost certainly be _.
    - The talk that had the most influence on my personal life was _.
    - When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _.
    - Why can't I sleep at night? _
    - _ kept me up all night.
    - When all this is over, I'm not looking forward to _.
    - What's a programmer's best friend? _
    - What's my secret power? _

    # CaH with minor edits
    - _ + _ = _
    - "Step 1: _.  Step 2: _.  Step 3: Profit."
    - _ is a slippery slope that leads to _.
    - "_ & _: The Musical."
    - I got 99 problems but _ ain’t one.

  white:
    # ICFP2020 Cards
    - a Monad
    - a Monoid
    - Endofunctors
    - JavaScript
    - Haskell
    - Scheme
    - Racket
    - C
    - C++
    - abstract nonsense
    - mutability
    - type theory
    - pointers
    - a proof left as an exercise to the reader
    - the independence of dependent types
    - 100 pages of proof appendix
    - the Vim vs Emacs dilemma
    - the fear of side effects
    - error reporting
    - readable type errors
    - Haskell wins at ICFP programming contest
    - C++ wins at ICFP programming contest
    - a cryptocurrency developed using Coq
    - monads are like burritos
    - the egg of Coq
    - the real origin of the Coq name
    - HoTT getting cold
    - the lambdaman
    - a presentation without a joke
    - a french paper not formalized in Coq
    - a non-poultry themed Coq library
    - ICFP
    - POPL
    - PLDI
    - OOPSLA
    - cabal hell
    - Category Theory
    - executing Agda code
    - a job talk starting with Heartbleed
    - a type system that prevents planes from crashing
    - pLdI iS bEtTeR tHaN iCfP
    - a time when ML did not mean machine learning

    # SML and formal semantics
    - that CSmith found 0* bugs in CompCert
    - well-typed programs don't go wrong
    - a complete type system
    - division by zero
    - a Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages
    # - no class, no state
    # - soundy
    - an abstract domain for neural networks
    - a PhD office with windows
    - a profile picture from 20 years ago
    - an academic website powered by Hakyll
    - continuations
    - liberally adding axioms
    - unironically using Windows
    - my parents asking when I’ll get a real job
    - PL memes
    - not really caring about OOP
    - endless discussions about syntax

    # paper titles
    - do be do be do
    - the marriage of effects and monads
    - Coq Coq Correct!
    # - gradual typing is dead

    # Cards including comminity people's names that we should ask for permission
    - Conor's high tech presentation
    - an ICFP with 0 SPJ accepted papers
    - Ranjit's Lambda Style
    # - Asking Annabelle
    # - HIcks
    # - a climate change talk by Benjamin Pierce
    # - Stephanie
    # - Adam
    # - Phil Wadler
    # - Ron + Tander

    # Cards taken from
    # https://github.com/CardsAgainstCryptography/CAC/blob/master/src/white.txt
    # Filtered down to remove some sexism / racism / ... and irrelevant cards.
    - 100% talks, 0% human interaction
    - Thinking I'm so clever for using pictures of Alice (Cooper) and Bob (Marley)
    - a career-limiting card game
    - a hand wavy argument
    - a proof that appears in the "full version"
    - a violent and bloody PhD defence
    - academic integrity
    - actually being "sorry for the late reply"
    - an "anonymous" reviewer insisting I cite 6 papers by the same author
    - an overfull hbox
    - arriving 13 minutes late to a 15 minute talk and having the gall to ask a question
    - being the only smartly dressed person in the room
    - best rejected paper award
    - checking my Google Scholar profile daily
    - citing personal communication
    - conferences with 5 submissions at 11:59pm
    - crippling student debt
    - day drinking
    - deadline day flatulence
    - deliberately hiding inefficiencies inside the big O
    - deliberately not referencing a superior paper
    - doing Facebook maths puzzles to show I am better than those idiot 97%
    - drinking alone
    - explaining what my job is at a family reunion
    - falling asleep in a 5-person meeting
    - feeling flattered because a conference spam email addressed me as Professor
    - fighting over LaTeX syntax
    - forgetting my VGA adapter
    - frantically taking notes during every talk
    - getting a fourth cookie during a coffee break because I have no one to talk to
    - getting stuck at the French-speaking banquet table
    - getting tenure, then chilling out
    - having time to catch up on my reading, then not doing it
    - having to write a polite rebuttal to the reviewer who clearly didn't read past page 2
    - hiding my conflict of interest
    - ignoring reviewer comments and resubmitting immediately
    - ignoring the session chair flashing 5 minutes left because I've got 23 slides to go
    - including an XKCD comic in my slides because I'm so original
    - making claims in the submission that you hope you can achieve before the rebuttal
    - my dear friend the Program Chair overruling 3 borderline rejects on my paper
    - my successful career at a patent troll company
    - my supervisor's morning breath
    - not feeling guilty about falling asleep during the keynote
    - not having to wear pants
    - not needing to pretend to listen to the other speakers in my session
    - overselling it hard in the introduction
    - politely starting an answer with "That's a good question...", when the question is actually idiotic
    - preparing for two weeks to give a 15-minute presentation to a room of 7 people all on their laptops
    - pretending to understand
    - publishing anyway
    - putting an outdoors-y photo on my academic webpage to look well-rounded
    - quickly trying to peek at someone's badge as I shake their hand, but it's flipped backwards
    - relatives who ask me to help them install their printer on Windows
    - remembering when "working from home" meant a day off
    - sending an email at 11pm so people think I work hard
    - Zoom dropping out every 10 to 15 seconds
    - social sciences
    - someone less senior than me signing off with "Thanks in advance"
    - starting a conversation with "When did you fly in?", because I have nothing interesting to say
    - telling anyone who'll listen quite how busy I am
    - thanking the anonymous reviewers for their "useful" comments
    - the awkward question the chair asks when nobody understood the talk
    - the awkward silence of 8 people standing in a circle during the afternoon coffee break
    - the great paywall of IEEE
    - the intoxicating aroma of 12 PhD students in one office
    - the one suit I own for meetings with industry
    - the person in the front row taking photos of every slide
    - the sound of 50 people on a Zoom call all trying to speak at once
    - the student body
    - throwing a party for my next citation milestone
    - turning up to one meeting and claiming co-authorship
    - tweeting about my paper acceptance
    - undergrads
    - using Beamer because it's social suicide to use PowerPoint
    - using "it clearly follows" when the implied following is anything but clear
    - using "we should talk about this offline" because the question exposes holes in my paper
    - using indecipherable, non-standard notation to hide a dodgy proof
    - wearing a T-shirt with a Linux joke
    - wearing a conference t-shirt... in public
    - wistfully looking out of the window of my overly-cramped PhD office
    - writing a reference for someone I can't remember meeting
    - Ctrl+F'ing to see how many times I'm cited and finding "0 results"
    - '"Working" remotely'
    - a slide deck entirely in Comic Sans
    - a shepherd that won't budge