Cards from CardsAgainstCryptography

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 a Monad  # Inline comment
 a Monoid
 Endofunctors
-drinking
 JavaScript
 Haskell
 Scheme
 Racket
 C
 C++
+
+# Cards taken from
+# https://github.com/CardsAgainstCryptography/CAC/blob/master/src/white.txt
+# Filtered down to remove some sexism / racism / ... and irrelevant cards.
+100% talks, 0\% human interaction
+16-bit AES
+a career-limiting card game
+a hand wavy argument
+a proof that appears in the "full version"
+a violent and bloody PhD defence
+academic integrity
+actually being "sorry for the late reply"
+an "anonymous" reviewer insisting I cite 6 papers by the same author
+an overfull hbox
+arriving 13 minutes late to a 15 minute talk and having the gall to ask a question
+being the only smartly dressed person in the room
+best rejected paper award
+checking my Google Scholar profile daily
+citing personal communication.
+conferences with 5 submissions at 11:59pm
+crippling student debt
+day drinking
+deadline day flatulence
+deliberately hiding inefficiencies inside the big O
+deliberately not referencing a superior paper
+doing Facebook maths puzzles to show I am better than those idiot 97%.
+drinking alone
+explaining what my job is at a family reunion
+falling asleep in a 5-person meeting
+feeling flattered because a conference spam email addressed me as Professor
+fighting over LaTeX syntax
+forgetting my VGA adapter
+frantically taking notes during every talk
+getting a fourth cookie during a coffee break because I have no one to talk to
+getting stuck at the French-speaking banquet table
+getting tenure, then chilling out
+having time to catch up on my reading, then not doing it
+having to write a polite rebuttal to the reviewer who clearly didn't read past page 2
+hiding my conflict of interest
+ignoring reviewer comments and resubmitting immediately
+ignoring the session chair flashing 5 minutes left because I've got 23 slides to go
+including an XKCD comic in my slides because I'm so original
+making claims in the submission that you hope you can achieve before the rebuttal
+my dear friend the Program Chair overruling 3 borderline rejects on my paper
+my successful career at a patent troll company
+my supervisor's morning breath
+not feeling guilty about falling asleep during the keynote
+not having to wear pants
+not needing to pretend to listen to the other speakers in my session
+overselling it hard in the introduction
+politely starting an answer with "That's a good question...", when the question is actually idiotic
+preparing for two weeks to give a 15-minute presentation to a room of 7 people all on their laptops
+pretending to understand
+publishing anyway
+putting an outdoors-y photo on my academic webpage to look well-rounded
+quickly trying to peek at someone's badge as I shake their hand, but it's flipped backwards
+relatives who ask me to help them install their printer on Windows
+remembering when "working from home" meant a day off
+sending an email at 11pm so people think I work hard
+Zoom dropping out every 10 to 15 seconds
+social sciences
+someone less senior than me signing off with "Thanks in advance"
+starting a conversation with "When did you fly in?", because I have nothing interesting to say
+telling anyone who'll listen quite how busy I am
+thanking the anonymous reviewers for their "useful" comments
+the awkward question the chair asks when nobody understood the talk
+the awkward silence of 8 people standing in a circle during the afternoon coffee break
+the great paywall of IEEE
+the intoxicating aroma of 12 PhD students in one office
+the one suit I own for meetings with industry
+the person in the front row taking photos of every slide
+the sound of 50 people on a Zoom call all trying to speak at once
+the student body
+throwing a party for my next citation milestone
+turning up to one meeting and claiming co-authorship
+tweeting about my paper acceptance
+undergrads
+using Beamer because it's social suicide to use PowerPoint
+using "it clearly follows" when the implied following is anything but clear
+using "we should talk about this offline" because the question exposes holes in my paper
+using indecipherable, non-standard notation to hide a dodgy proof
+wearing a T-shirt with a Linux joke
+wearing a conference t-shirt... in public.
+wistfully looking out of the window of my overly-cramped PhD office
+writing a reference for someone I can't remember meeting
+Ctrl+F'ing to see how many times I'm cited and finding "0 results"
+"Working" remotely
+a slide deck entirely in Comic Sans