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-# ICFP2020 Cards
-a Monad  # Inline comment
-a Monoid
-Endofunctors
-JavaScript
-Haskell
-Scheme
-Racket
-C
-C++
-abstract nonsense
-mutability
-type theory
-pointers
-a proof left as an exercise to the reader
-the independence of dependent types 
-100 pages of proof appendix 
-the Vim vs Emacs dilemma
-the fear of side effects 
-error reporting 
-readable type errors 
-Haskell wins at ICFP programming contest
-C++ wins at ICFP programming contest
-a cryptocurrency developed using Coq 
-monads are like burritos 
-the egg of Coq 
-the real origin of the Coq name 
-HoTT getting cold
-the lambdaman  
-a presentation without a joke 
-a french paper not formalized in Coq 
-a non-poultry themed Coq library
-ICFP
-POPL
-PLDI
-OOPSLA
-cabal hell
-Category Theory
-executing Agda code
-a job talk starting with Heartbleed
-a type system that prevents planes from crashing
-pLdI iS bEtTeR tHaN iCfP
-a time when ML did not mean machine learning
-# SML and formal semantics
-that CSmith found 0* bugs in CompCert
-well-typed programs don't go wrong
-a complete type system
-division by zero
-a Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages
-# no class, no state
-# soundy
-an abstract domain for neural networks
-a PhD office with windows
-a profile picture from 20 years ago
-an academic website powered by Hakyll
-continuations
-liberally adding axioms
-unironically using Windows
-my parents asking when I’ll get a real job
-PL memes
-not really caring about OOP
-endless discussions about syntax
-
-# paper titles 
-do be do be do
-the marriage of effects and monads 
-Coq Coq Correct!
-# gradual typing is dead
-
-# Cards including comminity people's names that we should ask for permission 
-Conor's high tech presentation
-an ICFP with 0 SPJ accepted papers 
-Ranjit's Lambda Style
-# Asking Annabelle
-# HIcks
-# a climate change talk by Benjamin Pierce
-# Stephanie
-# Adam
-# Phil Wadler
-# Ron + Tander
-
-# Cards taken from
-# https://github.com/CardsAgainstCryptography/CAC/blob/master/src/white.txt
-# Filtered down to remove some sexism / racism / ... and irrelevant cards.
-100% talks, 0% human interaction
-Thinking I'm so clever for using pictures of Alice (Cooper) and Bob (Marley)
-a career-limiting card game
-a hand wavy argument
-a proof that appears in the "full version"
-a violent and bloody PhD defence
-academic integrity
-actually being "sorry for the late reply"
-an "anonymous" reviewer insisting I cite 6 papers by the same author
-an overfull hbox
-arriving 13 minutes late to a 15 minute talk and having the gall to ask a question
-being the only smartly dressed person in the room
-best rejected paper award
-checking my Google Scholar profile daily
-citing personal communication.
-conferences with 5 submissions at 11:59pm
-crippling student debt
-day drinking
-deadline day flatulence
-deliberately hiding inefficiencies inside the big O
-deliberately not referencing a superior paper
-doing Facebook maths puzzles to show I am better than those idiot 97%.
-drinking alone
-explaining what my job is at a family reunion
-falling asleep in a 5-person meeting
-feeling flattered because a conference spam email addressed me as Professor
-fighting over LaTeX syntax
-forgetting my VGA adapter
-frantically taking notes during every talk
-getting a fourth cookie during a coffee break because I have no one to talk to
-getting stuck at the French-speaking banquet table
-getting tenure, then chilling out
-having time to catch up on my reading, then not doing it
-having to write a polite rebuttal to the reviewer who clearly didn't read past page 2
-hiding my conflict of interest
-ignoring reviewer comments and resubmitting immediately
-ignoring the session chair flashing 5 minutes left because I've got 23 slides to go
-including an XKCD comic in my slides because I'm so original
-making claims in the submission that you hope you can achieve before the rebuttal
-my dear friend the Program Chair overruling 3 borderline rejects on my paper
-my successful career at a patent troll company
-my supervisor's morning breath
-not feeling guilty about falling asleep during the keynote
-not having to wear pants
-not needing to pretend to listen to the other speakers in my session
-overselling it hard in the introduction
-politely starting an answer with "That's a good question...", when the question is actually idiotic
-preparing for two weeks to give a 15-minute presentation to a room of 7 people all on their laptops
-pretending to understand
-publishing anyway
-putting an outdoors-y photo on my academic webpage to look well-rounded
-quickly trying to peek at someone's badge as I shake their hand, but it's flipped backwards
-relatives who ask me to help them install their printer on Windows
-remembering when "working from home" meant a day off
-sending an email at 11pm so people think I work hard
-Zoom dropping out every 10 to 15 seconds
-social sciences
-someone less senior than me signing off with "Thanks in advance"
-starting a conversation with "When did you fly in?", because I have nothing interesting to say
-telling anyone who'll listen quite how busy I am
-thanking the anonymous reviewers for their "useful" comments
-the awkward question the chair asks when nobody understood the talk
-the awkward silence of 8 people standing in a circle during the afternoon coffee break
-the great paywall of IEEE
-the intoxicating aroma of 12 PhD students in one office
-the one suit I own for meetings with industry
-the person in the front row taking photos of every slide
-the sound of 50 people on a Zoom call all trying to speak at once
-the student body
-throwing a party for my next citation milestone
-turning up to one meeting and claiming co-authorship
-tweeting about my paper acceptance
-undergrads
-using Beamer because it's social suicide to use PowerPoint
-using "it clearly follows" when the implied following is anything but clear
-using "we should talk about this offline" because the question exposes holes in my paper
-using indecipherable, non-standard notation to hide a dodgy proof
-wearing a T-shirt with a Linux joke
-wearing a conference t-shirt... in public.
-wistfully looking out of the window of my overly-cramped PhD office
-writing a reference for someone I can't remember meeting
-Ctrl+F'ing to see how many times I'm cited and finding "0 results"
-"Working" remotely
-a slide deck entirely in Comic Sans
-A shepherd that won't budge
-Starting a conversation with ``When did you fly in?'', because I have nothing interesting to say