icfp2020: black: # ICFP2020 Cards - _ is just _ in the Category of _. - My next paper title? The next 700 _. - Procrastinating on my paper by working on _. - _ and _. A match made in heaven. - Without _ we wouldn't have _. - Reviewer 2 found my paper guilty of _. - _ is just a special case of _. - Listen, if you want to get involved with _, just stay clear of _. - _ would be woefully incomplete without _. - "_: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for _!" # Some cards taken from: # https://github.com/CardsAgainstCryptography/CAC/blob/master/src/white.txt # Slightly modified to take out most sexist / racist / ... stuff and comply # with the uplcg format. Added more _s to a few because we can. - A PL conference is never complete without _. - Both Microsoft and Apple have concerns with _. - Did you hear that _ is the new hot topic? - Due to the Covid crisis, I have rekindled my enthusiasm for _. - I always include _ in my reviewer feedback. - I can't believe I got away with _. - I can't believe my grant application for _ was denied! - I can't concentrate without _. - I drink to forget _. - I find that _ relieves pre-submission stress. - I get by with a little help from _. - I got 99 problems but _ ain't one. - I hope no one finds out about _. - I just got out of an incomprehensible talk on _ and _. - I just hope the reviewers don't notice _. - I only got through my PhD because of a long-winded explanation of _. - I think I will skip the session on _ this year. - I was surprised to get no questions about _ the end of my presentation on _. - I woke up drenched in sweat from a nightmare about _. - I woke up filled with shame about _. - I'm hoping to avoid 2/3 of the program committee, because my paper is on _. - I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _. - My academic CV says I'm an expert on _. - My career started with _. - My favourite thing about online conferences is _. - One regret I have from my PhD is _. - Putting _ in my application helped me immensely. - Remembering _, then immediately vomiting. - Self-isolation is fantastic for _. - The next big thing will almost certainly be _. - The talk that had the most influence on my personal life was _. - When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _. - Why can't I sleep at night? _ - _ kept me up all night. - When all this is over, I'm not looking forward to _. - What's a programmer's best friend? _ - What's my secret power? _ - _ for free! - _ considered harmful. - _ is a path to many abilities many consider... unnatural - A monadic approach to _. # CaH with minor edits - _ + _ = _ - "Step 1: _. Step 2: _. Step 3: Profit." - _ is a slippery slope that leads to _. - "_ & _: The Musical." - I got 99 problems but _ ain’t one. white: - adding inconsistent axioms to Agda (again) - an angry type theorist - non-SIGPLAN conferences - full abstraction - installing Agda for its input mode - presheaves - a definitional interpreter in Common Lisp - a self-promotional comment phrased as a question - just a corollary of the fundamental theorem - Agda's failure in unifying the terms - theorems for free - using the acmart class - the later modality - writing code with paper and pencil - progress and preservation - going to the bathroom for the second time in 5 minutes to avoid an awkward conversation # ICFP2020 Cards - a Monad - a Monoid - Endofunctors - JavaScript - Haskell - Scheme - Racket - C - C++ - abstract nonsense - mutability - type theory - pointers - a proof left as an exercise to the reader - the independence of dependent types - 100 pages of proof appendix - the Vim vs Emacs dilemma - the fear of side effects - error reporting - readable type errors - Haskell wins at ICFP programming contest - C++ wins at ICFP programming contest - a cryptocurrency developed using Coq - monads are like burritos - the egg of Coq - the real origin of the Coq name - HoTT getting cold - the lambdaman - a presentation without a joke - a french paper not formalized in Coq - a non-poultry themed Coq library - ICFP - POPL - PLDI - OOPSLA - cabal hell - Category Theory - executing Agda code - a job talk starting with Heartbleed - a type system that prevents planes from crashing - pLdI iS bEtTeR tHaN iCfP - a time when ML did not mean machine learning # SML and formal semantics - that CSmith found 0* bugs in CompCert - well-typed programs don't go wrong - a complete type system - division by zero - a Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages # - no class, no state # - soundy - an abstract domain for neural networks - a PhD office with windows - a profile picture from 20 years ago - an academic website powered by Hakyll - continuations - liberally adding axioms - unironically using Windows - my parents asking when I’ll get a real job - PL memes - not really caring about OOP - endless discussions about syntax # paper titles - do be do be do - the marriage of effects and monads - Coq Coq Correct! - theorems for free! - gradual typing is dead # Cards including comminity people's names that we should ask for permission - Conor's high tech presentation - an ICFP with 0 SPJ accepted papers - Ranjit's Lambda Style # - Frank Pfenning's proof theory # - Asking Annabelle # - HIcks # - a climate change talk by Benjamin Pierce # - Stephanie # - Adam # - Phil Wadler # - Ron + Tander # Cards taken from # https://github.com/CardsAgainstCryptography/CAC/blob/master/src/white.txt # Filtered down to remove some sexism / racism / ... and irrelevant cards. - 100% talks, 0% human interaction - Thinking I'm so clever for using pictures of Alice (Cooper) and Bob (Marley) - a career-limiting card game - a hand wavy argument - a proof that appears in the "full version" - a violent and bloody PhD defence - academic integrity - actually being "sorry for the late reply" - an "anonymous" reviewer insisting I cite 6 papers by the same author - an overfull hbox - arriving 13 minutes late to a 15 minute talk and having the gall to ask a question - being the only smartly dressed person in the room - best rejected paper award - checking my Google Scholar profile daily - citing personal communication - conferences with 5 submissions at 11:59pm - crippling student debt - day drinking - deadline day flatulence - deliberately hiding inefficiencies inside the big O - deliberately not referencing a superior paper - doing Facebook maths puzzles to show I am better than those idiot 97% - drinking alone - explaining what my job is at a family reunion - falling asleep in a 5-person meeting - feeling flattered because a conference spam email addressed me as Professor - fighting over LaTeX syntax - forgetting my VGA adapter - frantically taking notes during every talk - getting a fourth cookie during a coffee break because I have no one to talk to - getting stuck at the French-speaking banquet table - getting tenure, then chilling out - having time to catch up on my reading, then not doing it - having to write a polite rebuttal to the reviewer who clearly didn't read past page 2 - hiding my conflict of interest - ignoring reviewer comments and resubmitting immediately - ignoring the session chair flashing 5 minutes left because I've got 23 slides to go - including an XKCD comic in my slides because I'm so original - making claims in the submission that you hope you can achieve before the rebuttal - my dear friend the Program Chair overruling 3 borderline rejects on my paper - my successful career at a patent troll company - my supervisor's morning breath - not feeling guilty about falling asleep during the keynote - not having to wear pants - not needing to pretend to listen to the other speakers in my session - overselling it hard in the introduction - politely starting an answer with "That's a good question...", when the question is actually idiotic - preparing for two weeks to give a 15-minute presentation to a room of 7 people all on their laptops - pretending to understand - publishing anyway - putting an outdoors-y photo on my academic webpage to look well-rounded - quickly trying to peek at someone's badge as I shake their hand, but it's flipped backwards - relatives who ask me to help them install their printer on Windows - remembering when "working from home" meant a day off - sending an email at 11pm so people think I work hard - Zoom dropping out every 10 to 15 seconds - social sciences - someone less senior than me signing off with "Thanks in advance" - starting a conversation with "When did you fly in?", because I have nothing interesting to say - telling anyone who'll listen quite how busy I am - thanking the anonymous reviewers for their "useful" comments - the awkward question the chair asks when nobody understood the talk - the awkward silence of 8 people standing in a circle during the afternoon coffee break - the great paywall of IEEE - the intoxicating aroma of 12 PhD students in one office - the one suit I own for meetings with industry - the person in the front row taking photos of every slide - the sound of 50 people on a Zoom call all trying to speak at once - the student body - throwing a party for my next citation milestone - turning up to one meeting and claiming co-authorship - tweeting about my paper acceptance - undergrads - using Beamer because it's social suicide to use PowerPoint - using "it clearly follows" when the implied following is anything but clear - using "we should talk about this offline" because the question exposes holes in my paper - using indecipherable, non-standard notation to hide a dodgy proof - wearing a T-shirt with a Linux joke - wearing a conference t-shirt... in public - wistfully looking out of the window of my overly-cramped PhD office - writing a reference for someone I can't remember meeting - Ctrl+F'ing to see how many times I'm cited and finding "0 results" - '"working" remotely' - a slide deck entirely in Comic Sans - a shepherd that won't budge munihac2020: black: - My Hackathon project will be _. - This Hackathon I will work on integrating _ and _. white: - Edward Kmett's hallway track - Spending the first two days trying to get the project to build - 1253 dependencies - a 9 year old GHC ticket - Darcs - a hangover - 'GHC: out of memory' - complaining about compile times - unsafePerformIO - unsafeInterleaveIO - a monad tutorial - sneakily writing JavaScript - broken builds - weird behaviour on Mac OS X - lens - not writing any documentation - lazy IO - pretending to understand what a Monad is - Haskell2030 - a Template Haskell splice that steals firefox cookies at compile time - using Hugs in production in 2020 - attending MuniHac mostly for the beer - actually finishing a Hackathon project - the 8th coffee of the day